1. To have time enough to go through my day without having to schedule in fifteen minutes to take a dump. Although, adding another three hours to the clock would likely work.
2. To find an attractive man willing and able to do me properly, three or four times a day. Engaging personality and remote intelligence optional.
3. To conquer near every language known to man (five languages is hardly enough) exempting the made up ones, like Klingon or Chinese.
4. To fit rugby “enhanced” thighs into the jeans I wore last summer.
5. To have a housemaid willing to follow me around with a dustpan and excavate my bed from under my piles of clothes occasionally. A dishwasher would be nice too.
6. To be able to afford my own alcoholism and provide for that of my friends.
7. To purchase and wear shoes like normal women; although, I think that might require surgery to reduce not only my unfortunately elephantine feet but six-foot stature.
8. To make a living spending the most part of my day discussing myself (literally or otherwise) constantly. Hell, I’d settle for mild fame.
9. To achieve #8 by writing more interesting things than fucking lists.
